If I had earned a dollar for each time I’ve been referred to as “stubborn” or “pig-headed” over the course of my life, I’d need a bigger piggy-bank. I also probably wouldn’t be giving my kids Ramen Noodles and Pop-tarts for dinner, but why split hairs?! While the term “strong-willed” tends to be my character description of choice, any way you do the math, being stubborn often winds up being a negative. Ahhhh yes, Aud + stubborn + sarcasm – 1/4 sarcasm STILL winds up being “Aud’s real life to the negative power”.
One of the problems that comes with being TOO stubborn is an unwillingness to waver. Thoughts, opinions, choices, etc, once they’re made are almost always steadfast, irregardless of future changes. This is my clever way of saying that even when I learn I may have been, ummm….. “wrong” (shhhhhhh), I will stand by my original declaration! Us stubborn people tend to be ever-faithful to our Alma-Matters, loyal to our friends, and even stick with our favorite sports teams on principle, even if they play football like they should be wearing tu-tu’s. Whoops. I guess I just gave it away that I’m a Bills fan!
To lay it all out on the table so-to-speak, being stubborn isn’t my only character flaw. Now if you’ve got a case of whiskey, a box of kleenex, and say, ohhhh, two years or so, I’ll fill you in on the REST of my flaws! 
For the sake of time, I’ll narrow it down and throw it out there that I’m also incredibly impulsive. I’ve given myself more black-eyes than I can count with knee-jerk reactions, and I form opinions about as quickly as my 6 year old can inhale a sleeve of thin mint cookies behind the couch while I’m switching laundry from the washer to the dryer. That’s less than 5 minutes for anyone unfamiliar with my awesome laundry skills or her sneaky cookie trickery. Combine impulsiveness with that good ol’ strong-will of mine, and I’m a real piece of work!
When I learned of the bombings at the Boston Marathon yesterday, I found myself overcome with emotion. Sadness, anger, confusion, disappointment, fear…… those are just a few of the thoughts that immediately flooded my head. I felt disgusted. Disgusted with humanity. Angry at the human race. How could people DO this?! My initial reaction was to sit down and pound out a blog about my loss of faith in humankind. About how I find it impossible to trust almost anyone anymore. How my fear in letting my children step foot outside my house is becoming much more real and tangible. I wanted to scream to the rooftops that “humanity sucks a mean one!”.
Exercising restraint, I held back. I watched the news and followed social media until I simply couldn’t watch a minute longer. I cried. I even punched a wall. Hey, you can take the girl out of Anger Management, but you can’t take the anger out of the girl! Surprisingly, what I found myself consistently coming back to, was a video I first saw shared by a local news reporter on Twitter. It was a video that captured the initial explosion, the blast from the second one, and the reaction to both. I have shared the video below, but I do warn you all that it is graphic, and it is incredibly sad. Please know this before viewing.
I found myself drawn to that particular video and before I knew it, I had watched it 3 or 4 times over the course of the evening. Somehow it felt “wrong” to see a beauty in something so awful, or to feel any type of “goodness” in the aftermath of such tragedy. I felt ashamed. How could I see something positive in something so awful? I struggled to fall asleep last night and when I finally did close my eyes, it was with a heavy heart.
What I’ve realized, and hopefully I can explain it in a way that helps others realize too, is that it isn’t humanity I hate. It isn’t humanity that disgusts me, or scares me, or has me questioning the future. Humanity is beautiful! HUMANITY is what was portrayed in the video I refer to. While I physically “saw” the destruction, what my heart and mind were processing was the bravery. In a clip less than 3 minutes in length, countless people rushed to help. Immediately, without hesitation. Uniformed military personnel, Police Officers, EMS, Firefighters, even brave citizens who felt compelled to “do something”. In less than 3 minutes, people were working in unison to clear debris and reach the victims. There was no time for formal instructions, yet so many people came together with no questions asked. THAT is human nature. That is the kind and giving spirit within peoples hearts. A spirit strong enough to over-power fear. A spirit determined enough to persevere through rubble, and unthinkable sights, to do something good.
WE are good. If we allow attacks such as yesterday, or December 30, 2012, or September 11, 2001 to lessen our faith in humanity and in each other, than we might as well throw our hands up. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and raise the white flag, because cowards will have won. No! I will NOT do that. I believe in myself and I believe that there is still good in the world. I was reminded of it again yesterday. It saddens me to realize it often takes terrible incidents to “remind us” of the goodness we’re capable of. If I had one wish, it would be that goodness and love be shown everyday, consistently. I know that I for one will be doing my best to do that. Bring an elderly neighbors trash cans back from the road. Babysit for a friend who is at wits end and needs a day “off”. Send a card to someone you haven’t talked to in awhile, just to let them know they’re thought of. Invite a friend for dinner. Pass down clothes you don’t wear. While these all seem “silly”, they are FREE and the impact you might have on another may be immeasurable. Sometimes small acts of kindness save lives and we never even know it. No one can do it alone, but together we are stronger than any terrorist organization could ever hope to be.
As the wise Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
