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Few things in life truly scare me. Understandably I have the same day to day worries as the next guy, yet when it comes to true, adrenaline pumping, gut-wrenching fear, I count those triggers on one hand. I suppose that makes me lucky, yet when one of those fear triggers is pulled, it isn’t any less heart-pounding. I will do my best to serve this post with a side dish of humor, but please understand that this is a topic I could not be any more serious about.
I’ll be frank. Cancer scares the $hit out of me. I’m not sure it gets any more honest than that. While I realize “scaring the $hit” out of someone is a tried and true slang phrase, sometimes cancer LITERALLY scares it right outta me. Just the thought of it puts my stomach in knots and my heart in my throat. It seems as though each of us has lost a loved one, or knows someone fighting the battle.
Cancer scares me most, because of it’s unpredictability. As a person who sees situations in black and white, good or bad, right or wrong, I struggle greatly with the lack of rhyme or reason attached to cancer. It is easy to understand that if you are a smoker, you run a risk of the diseases associated with that. If you skydive, your parachute might not open. Snowboarding means that you could potentially break something. Unless you’re me, in which case you will DEFINITELY break something. All of these scenarios are simple to me. Cause and effect. Black and white. I can wrap my brain around any of those scenarios. Twice. My brain is very flexible.
Cancer is a disease that occasionally prompts me to question the faith in God that was instilled in me early on. It causes me to ask questions that I’ll never have answers to. Questions about fairness. Doubting a God who could let such an awful disease effect so many amazing people. Questioning how it is that sometimes “bad people” live long and healthy lives as good people die.
Today I went and had my first of now routine mammograms. With my 34th birthday tomorrow, I thought “What the heck! How about I get myself a mammogram and a red velvet cupcake for the big day?!:”
I certainly hope the cupcake doesn’t disappoint!
With a family history of breast cancer, I firmly believe that being pro-active is the ONLY way to be.
Initially, I wasn’t nervous at all. It was just something I needed to do. In the words of ‘Larry The Cable Guy’: “Let’s get ‘er done!”
Yet as I sat in the waiting area, wearing a hospital gown and feeling defenseless, I found myself shivering. The room was not particularly cold, yet my body was gently shaking. Despite telling myself not to be nervous, my body seemed to have over-ridden that instruction and was involuntarily nervous FOR me. I’m not sure if I was more afraid for the procedure itself or the sinking realization that they may actually FIND something.
Pulling my gown just a little tighter around me, pep-talking myself that it was “no big deal”, I couldn’t help but look around the room. Noting the table of breast cancer jewelry for purchase, and a fair selection of magazines to read, my gaze shifted to the other ladies seated around me. All varying ages and styles, yet each of us gowned and vulnerable. It struck me that the odds of any of them, or even me, getting bad news and forever having May 28th be life altering, were probably pretty strong. Statistically speaking alone. I couldn’t help but feel for each one of those ladies sitting there with me, and wondering about their individual stories. Praying that we all received the news we were hoping for.
The procedure itself was not awful, and certainly worth it to be pro-active! It was uncomfortable, and slightly embarrassing to have a stranger touching my breasts like she’s preparing raw chicken, but honestly only took 3 or 4 minutes to get all the images required. I did feel a little violated though- the last time my breasts were handled that roughly I got dinner and a movie first!
In all seriousness, here is my shameless plug: (you knew it was coming, right?) PLEASE, please, please, anyone who is reading this (yes, both of you!) be proactive! There is nothing embarrassing in talking about breast health and screening. Do it. Ask questions. Phone a friend. With all my cancer fears, I do feel blessed to have so many tests and options available to me. Options that my own Mom didn’t have 15 years ago! Men, it’s a concern for you too! Be conscious of changes in your body. Go get your sphincters checked! If something doesn’t seem right, chances are it’s not. Get annual physicals.
(side note: When looking up the correct spelling of sphincter, google suggested I may have meant to type fornicate. Thanks google, but sphincter and fornicate are two things that should NEVER be related to each other in this girl’s world!)
When you hear of fund-raisers for families effected by cancer, attend if you can. It’s important. If you haven’t heard of anything in your area, feel free to read my friend Andy’s story here, and help if you’re able. Andy and his wife are part of the Emergency Services family.
That’s about all I’ve got today. Be kind, proactive and generous. Do your part to lighten someone else’s load, and try to always remember how quickly life can change. Embrace every good moment presented to you!
God bless!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
