It seems as though in the past few days I have seen several posts in regards to feeling guilt as a parent. Whether it’s a parent who lost their patience, or someone who feels as though they can’t provide something their child wants or needs, I see it more and more………. The overwhelming pressure that we put on ourselves as Moms and Dads.
Raising children was difficult enough for our own parents 30 years ago, long before the age of social media and all the technological advancements available to us now. “Back in the day” life was so much more relaxed. “Big Brother” was not always watching and people weren’t constantly snapping pictures on cell phones. There was a lot more “living” going on and a whole lot less “show”. The constant desire to impress each other didn’t seem to be prevalent when I was little, or if it was, I didn’t see it. Trust me, if you’d seen some of the outfits my parents put my sisters and I in, you’d realize that they weren’t looking to impress ANYONE! Image may be NSFW.
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(exhibits A, B, and C!)
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Today we live in the era of facebook and twitter….. instagram, youtube, and tumblr. We all have cell phones and constantly take pictures of our kids, proudly plastering them on line for all the world to see. Every cute or funny thing our children say we immediately tweet, and we all post about what GREAT days we have with our happy little families.
Many of us ebb and tide in a silent and constant competition amongst each other. We want our kids to be the cutest, funniest, smartest, and our families to be the happiest. We want to keep up with the Jones’.
Well I call bull$hit. Allow me to be the first to say that anything which I blog, tweet, facebook about, is truly only a snipet of real life. That cute picture of my daughter looking angelic? Yup….. it took 34 shots to get that, and the other 33 I deleted because she was making faces like the Devil’s spawn. The sweet picture of my girls holding our dog? 46 shots later. It says nothing of the girls calling each other names, saying “shut-up” or me threatening them with immediate bed time if they don’t cooperate for just “ONE freakin’ picture!”. The tears are not portrayed nor is the fact that the dog took off on us 5 times because she wanted ZERO part of helping me paint my perfect social media picture.
(Here’s a “real life” photo:)
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And that’s just talking PICTURES! No one wants to admit that they are anything less than the perfect parent, myself included. I post cute stories of how my daughter scams me at bedtime and says the funniest things. All very true. What I DON’T usually post however are our conversations 1/2 hour later when she is STILL scamming and I’ve lost my patience. Yelling at my kids is not at ALL enjoyable, and not something I’d like to brag about. However, it occasionally DOES happen.
We’ve all painted these perfect pictures of our lives, when the truth is that some of our paintings are frauds. Many of them are. Granted there are families out there who really do have it all together, that is not the norm. Congratulations to those who do! I’m envious!
The truth is that most of the time when I see a post such as: “What a GREAT weekend with my awesome hubby and amazing kiddos” it is translation for: you and the darling hubster fought most of the time and your kids were little $hits, but it’s Sunday night and after not posting a thing all weekend, you should make it look like you were tied up having fun!
When I post how I’m “feeling grateful for all my blessings”, it generally means that I did NOT feel that way an hour prior and feel guilty. I SHOULD be grateful, but when the bills are late, the cat threw up all over the stairs, the youngest put “butt cream” in the oldests hair, and it’s 10:00pm and they’re both still awake- I’m actually feeling pretty pi$$ed off!! I try to remember all the families who would give anything to have a night like that, and all those touched by heartache, but darn it, I should be entitled to be upset after a bad day!
I don’t often speak of the mornings that it takes every bit of patience to get my youngest off to school. How brushing her hair each morning is like untangling a rat’s nest, and that watching her dawdle while she insists on tying her own shoes causes me to physically shake with silent impatience. Typically I don’t speak of the times I lose my temper and yell, sending sad, teary eyed kiddos off to school, or of the guilt I feel 30 minutes later.
While I certainly don’t mean to say that these types of days happen OFTEN, they do happen, because I’m human. I’m a human in charge of OTHER humans. Not only am I responsible for feeding them, cleaning them, cleaning up AFTER them, but even more so, I’m in charge of molding them. Their success in life weighs heavily on how they’re raised. Let me just say: That’s a pretty overwhelming thought!!!
As parents, we do all the things I just mentioned, on top of keeping our OWN act together. It’s okay to be stressed out by that sometimes!
After reading some of the stresses that friends go through with their children, I’m here to tell you that ‘the Jones’s” don’t CARE if your life is perfect. I realize that I have so much more respect for my friends who “keep it real”. The friends who have the courage to admit they had a rough day and that they’re not proud of themselves in that moment. Those are the parents whose children will be confident and successful. Experiencing conflict and resolution is part of life. Parents who aren’t afraid to admit their mistakes and apologize to their children are the parents who will be most respected by their kiddos in the long run.
Personally, I’m going to try to be more honest about the things in life that are hard. Sure I’ll still post about how awesome my kids are (because they ARE, duh!), and how much Faith makes me laugh or Emily makes my heart melt, but maybe I’ll also post about the night I was so stressed that I let my kids eat cereal for dinner. Or about the nights I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I’m so overwhelmed, and how that actually helps me to feel better in the morning.
More of us are in the same boat than we realize. I say let’s make it a cruise ship, pour some mai-tais and ‘get this party started’!! Image may be NSFW.
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