I’m not sure what is in the water at the Rochester Zoo, but I kid you not, EVERY time we’re there, we see atleast one set of animals getting their groove on! I tried taking a sip out of the hose near the Elephant exhibit, and again on the way out near the “Arctic Cove”, but both times some damned employee was all “don’t drink the water” and “the signs are there for a reason”. Listen ladies, if you knew why I was drinking the water, you’d have sent me home with a gallon! 
Typically, it’s the tortoises that are always having ‘sexy time’, which amuses me on many levels. Mainly because they are so old and slow. If it wasn’t terribly disturbing to watch, I’d stay and cheer them on! I love when the female tries to walk away looking annoyed as if to say “Franklin! Not in front of the KIDS!” and the male walks behind her, still mounted “Shelly! Get back here!” Needless to say, we tend to steer clear of the tortoise exhibit, which is really just the old polar bear exhibit from the 80′s with some bushes and tortoises. Those two need to get a room! Even the turtles were doing it today in the WATER!
We tend to enjoy watching the monkeys and their juvenile antics. I always say a little prayer that I’m able to leave the monkey house without being accused of stealing my youngest child. That girl is monkey to the tenth power. One of these days they’re going to keep her, I just know it. It’s cute to watch them goof off, pick each other for bugs, and occasionally, on a good day, you get to see a big one push a little one off a branch. It serves as a perfect example to reiterate ‘survival of the fittest’ to my kids!
I’m not sure what was up in the monkey house yesterday, but there was a whole lot more than “monkeying around” going on if you know what I mean! Those monkeys were going to town! Slapping, screeching, SWAPPING. Friends, this is NOT an episode of Swingtown! The only swinging that should be happening in the Monkey House between the hours of 9 and 5 should be from tree to tree! I’ll never hear the term “Spank the monkey” with the same coy innocence ever again.
My youngest daughter aspires to be a veterinarian one day, and believe it or not, I’m sure she’d be a great one! I was excited to take her to the zoo for the first time this season and asked her what she’s most looking forward to seeing? You know what her answer was? “I can’t wait to see the baboons butts!” AWESOME. That’s my kid ladies and gentlemen. Pure class unless you’re talking about a baboons a$$!
Luckily for her, there were plenty of little pink butts to see! An “abuttnance” even! Baboons do crack me up, so it was a worthwhile pit stop. I tend to think of Rafiki from ‘The Lion King’ which inevitably leads to “Asante sana Squash banana” being stuck in my head for days. Thanks Walt. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast, but I can recall Disney lines from 1994. It’s a gift, really.
Inevitably we always stop by the “learning center” for about 3 minutes and 17 seconds. In theory, kids are supposed to be able to use pretend veterinary equipment to care for stuffed animals and then swiftly move along to give another kid a chance to play. In reality, “some” Moms, instead of seeing “Learning Center” on the sign actually read “Daycare Center” and set up camp in there. I give it the old college try every time, but like I said, we usually high-tail it outta there before I go ape-$hit on some Mom for not watching her obnoxious kids. It’s always the naughty kids left unsupervised, too. Never the nice, polite ones. Why? Because parents of nice, polite kids don’t NEED a break at the daycare center! Yesterday was no exception.
Let’s not forget that there’s always the “AVIARY” to enjoy on the way out! Yay! This little treat of an experience is always left for last, as it’s my least favorite. I generally spend the entire visit praying to 6lb 8oz infant baby Jesus that my kids will do something bratty, allowing me to say “That’s it! No Aviary for you!” In my mind I say it in my best soup nazi voice, but it doesn’t matter because it never happens! “Damn it, why did my kids have to be GOOD?!?” I ask myself with a large dose of sarcasm!
I did, however, get a slight reprieve. I’ve realized that my girls are now old enough to peruse the dirty, stinky, God forsaken aviary on their own while I watch from the doors. It’s all about the small wins in life! Between that and my “parent of the year” award for reminding them “If a bird pecks you or poops on your head while you’re in there, don’t come crying to me!” my trophy case is going to fill up quickly!
“Zoo season” is officially upon us and yesterday’s trip I’m sure was the first of many this Summer. I just hope the turtles can keep it in their shells next time and that the primates are back to “monkey business” and not “Risky Business”!
