I was asked this morning what I might be planning to post in my semi-regular, always sarcastic, guaranteed to make myself look like an idiot ‘So What Wednesday’ post. Truth is, I can’t bring myself to participate today, as it all seems somewhat trivial when the events of September 11, 2001 weigh so heavily on my mind. That’s not to say that I didn’t have some pretty epic failures this week which I am fully prepared to vent about, so definitely tune back in another time.
Today, I don’t feel sarcastic, or funny, or really much of anything other than sad. I want to cry watching 9/11 videos that friends have posted on facebook, and I want to throat-punch the people posting pinterest cartoons, goofy pics of themselves, and about their dirt-bag boyfriends. Guess what? If he’s a dirt-bag today, I’m willing to bet he’ll still be one tomorrow. As far as I’m concerned, today should be a day of reflection.
It saddens me to hear radio stations carry on as though today is just another day, playing that stupid Miley Cyrus twerking song every 20 minutes, rather than toning it down and showing some respect. Kudos to WBEE in Rochester for their thoughtful coverage and moments of silence during the morning show. Classy as always.
I realize that at some point life continues, people forget, memories dull, and sadness fades. I’m not there yet and quite frankly, I pray I never am. I want to remember. As painful as 9/11 was for our nation, the people lost that day or consequently because of that day, deserve our remembrance as reverently now just as much as they always have.
Without addressing politics or even voicing my opinions, what I will say is that in the weeks and months following September 11th, I felt an indelible pride in our country. I sat watching then President Bush address our nation time after time, offering us reassurance and I truly could FEEL such pride and emotion in my heart. I think it’s safe to say that most of us did, whether you’re a fan of Bush or not. During those first few months, race mattered less, social class seemed unimportant, and we were all truly bonded. I’m sad that I no longer have that feeling.
To this day, I hate randomly looking at the clock and seeing that it’s 9:11, or 3:43. I hate receiving text messages at those times and immediately delete them, no matter who they’re from.
While attending a 9/11 memorial ceremony this morning, I even had to turn and walk away from the display that was playing dispatch feed of firefighters responding to Ground Zero. I’m still so incredibly overwhelmed with memories, fear, and sadness.
This has become lengthier than I had planned, so I leave you with this:
This morning my 7 year old honey-badger came downstairs and was asking questions about 9/11. She wanted to know why I was sad, and caught me watching a memorial video on youtube. We’ve briefly discussed it before, but I’m never quite sure how much is appropriate to say, so I typically wait for her questions and answer as honestly and gently as I can. This morning’s convo went as follows:
HB: “Mommy, is today the day that makes you sad? You think about the day the planes flew into the buildings?”
Me: “Yes. It makes Mommy sad, but YOU make me happy!”
HB: “Was it an accident that they flew into the buildings?”
Me: “Well, no. People from another country who don’t like Americans did it on purpose”
HB: (looking broken hearted and gently shaking her head, quietly whispers:) “Those assholes”
